I have never been able to resist a quiz in a magazine. Any quiz. In any magazine. I could be reading Popular Mechanics and I would still take a quiz to find out “How Much Do You Really Know about . . . Bolts?” (Score: 0).
So, naturally, when I stumbled across “Which Celeb Mom Are You?” in the August 19 issue of US Magazine, I dove right in. (Hey, I have to read something with lots of pictures at the gym. And August 19th wasn’t really that long ago, was it?)
It turns out, I am a mix between Jennifer Garner and Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m not sure if I should be filled with self-loathing or joy. After all, the other two celeb moms I could be are Angelina Jolie and Somebody Kardashian.
Whether relief or shame, I have begun imagining other ways my whole glamorous parenting enterprise would look on the pages of a celebrity gossip magazine.
Who wore it better: Me or the only other poor sucker to make such a grave error at Old Navy 7 years ago?
Decorating Advice on how you can get the Fun Apartment’s look at your own home! Divide your current square footage by 4! Hire decorators under 5! Only have furniture that was dragged in from the street! Keep a bunch of random crap on every flat surface! Want a cool retro lamp like this for your home? Too bad! The cord sparks!
Spotted! Dragging two kids down 9th avenue, singing the theme song from Dinosaur Train a little too loudly for anyone’s taste.
Steal this look–for less! Actually, I don’t think there’s a way you could pay less than I do. You would have to steal this look — for more! In fact, I’d advise it. (Not stealing the look, that is. Paying more.)
Diva or Down to Earth? Uh, I think we all know the answer to that question. . . .
Fashion mistakes! Made by me! Every day!
See, I am totally ready to wrap myself in my Gwyneth Paltrow / Jennifer Garner flag of celeb mom-ness.
After all, I already have a blog.