Do you want to know why my son is whining?
Here’s why, in chronological order:
7 am: He woke up and wants the lights off, so he can play night time.
7:20: He doesn’t want the oatmeal he asked for.
7:30: He hates oatmeal.
7:45: His oatmeal is cold.
8: He’s full.
8:20: He doesn’t want *those* airplane underpants.
8:30: His pants are too soft.
9:00 – 10:00 Sesame Street (Hey, don’t judge. I’m not at a bar. Yet.)
10:15 He wants to pick up the cups from the floor with his feet.
10:16He can’t reach the floor (screamed from his position lying on the floor.)
11:00 He dropped his favorite toy behind his bed.
11:15 And once more.
12:00 He wants to use a big spoon to eat yogurt.
12:05 He has yogurt all over his shirt.
12:10 He hates cheese. Except string cheese. And parmesan. And mozzarella.
(On our way to pick up his older brother.)
3:10 He doesn’t want to go up 9th Avenue.
(We procure older brother and start for home.)
3:15 He doesn’t want to go down 8th Avenue. He wants to go down 9th Avenue.
3:20 He wants to stop in the playground. (It’s 30 degrees and he’s wearing a spring jacket.)
3:25 He’s cold.
3:30 He wants to be the first and the second one up the stairs.
(Sainted mother in law comes over to babysit. I deny that these are even my children. Instead, I blame her son and the devil for them. She stays anyway.
Two hours pass. I return largely sober. Sainted mother in law insists they were little angels the entire time I was away.)
5:30 He doesn’t have any bath toys. (We have hundreds).
5:32 He can’t find his bath toys in the bath tub.
5:33 There are too many bath toys in the tub. He has no room.
6:00 He doesn’t know what we are having for dinner. But he doesn’t like it.
6:15 He can’t set the table because he can’t carry a fork. It’s too pointy.
6:35 He wants more bread. But not the half-eaten piece on his plate. A new piece.
7:00 There are too many (i.e. six) toys to clean up.
7:30 He wants PJs that he saw in a picture of himself as a baby. (A 3-6 month sleep and play).
7:35 He doesn’t want to read the book he picked out. He hates it.
7:40 He wants to read that book again.
7:45 He desperately wants to sit in the dark and drink wine by himself.
WAIT. Sorry, that last one was me. Somehow, I must have started whining too. No idea how that happened. Well, you know where to find me. . . .