Monthly Archives: May 2015

Ten things only people living in micro apartments say

In honor of us staying up to watch David Letterman’s final show, here is a list of ten things. Ten Things one hears at the Fun Apartment:

1. I bought the smaller, more expensive one.

Don't ask me about how the physical therapy is going.

Nobody ask me about how the physical therapy is going.

 

2. Don’t buy a gallon of milk. There isn’t room in the fridge.

There is enough room for box wine, though.

There is enough room for box wine, though.

 

3. Your scissors are too loud for nap time.

Monkeys probably shouldn't use scissors.

Monkeys probably shouldn’t use scissors.

 

4. Put your shoes under the bathtub where they belong.

What? They don't get *that* wet.

What? They don’t get *that* wet.

 

5. What was I thinking, buying all of this toilet paper?

My request for bathroom shelving is marked as "pending."

My request for bathroom shelving is marked as “pending.”

 

6. Sam’s Club? What’s Sam’s Club?

(Sorry, no picture. I really have no idea.)

 

7. Your wallet? I think it is by the sink. Or under the crib. Did you check the salad spinner?

Oh, of course that's where you put it.

Bingo.

 

8. Let’s go to Yonkers to visit the furniture.

Sigh, I miss our furniture.

Sigh, I miss our furniture.

 

9. Don’t put your feet on your brother. He’s sleeping.

Shh.

Do not wake, upon pain of death.

 

10. Hang up your keys! I just cleaned and now the place is a mess!

Does anyone have a good way to clean A LOT of grout lines?

Does anyone have a good way to clean A LOT of grout lines?

 

(By the way, did everybody realize exactly how late the Late Show is on? No wonder I’m exhausted today: apparently I’m old.)


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Mother Lode

i had a brief list of demands err requests for Mother’s Day.

1. Go get bagels in the morning. Take the boys, and take the long way home.

2. Watch the boys while I go to ballet class (Imagine a drunken helicopter at low altitudes and that’s pretty much what I look like in ballet class)

3. Buy me some lilacs.

4. A picnic, with so much tzatziki that I don’t panic about having to share it with other people.

That’s it. I’m not much of a demander. In retrospect, I should have thrown some cupcakes in there somewhere. Ah well, there’s always next year.

And that’s all it took to make my Mother’s Day. There were those heart-meltingly awesome moments. And then there were the moments that felt a little more authentic, a little more Fun Apartmenty. Like having my little guy tell me “I kind of like your shirt, Mommy.” Or waking up to find this sweet note about scheduling:

That's a relief. The mother's day hung was originally scheduled for 6.

That’s a relief. The mother’s day hunt was originally scheduled for 6.

I know there’s a big “breakfast in bed” business for mother’s day, but I think I’ll have my coffee and wait for my breakfast alone, thanks. Like Saint Augustine said, “Lord, grant me beautiful happy lads to climb all over me, but not yet.

This is my favorite spot in the Fun Apartment.

This is my favorite spot in the Fun Apartment.

So my demands brought me a pretty awesome day full of peace, joy, and leg pain. And sunshine and Greek yogurt. So even if it is kind of a made up holiday, I am taking it. After all, I overheard the man of my dreams admonishing the boys in the hallway: “Remember, there’s no fussing today. None. It’s Mommy’s Day, so no fussing, I mean it.”

A day without fuss: perhaps the best gift of all.

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