Monthly Archives: October 2015

Shelf Life

When we are (okay, when I am) looking for new and innovative ways to clear some space around the Fun Apartment, the answer usually involves the local Salvation Army or more shelves. When considering the bathroom, I figured that toilet paper is generally useful and not really an item one outgrows. So, I began my campaign for some bathroom shelving.

Really, the bathroom is not pulling its weight, storage-wise. I mean, look at the place:

The potty isn't there anymore, but when it was, it was like having 1.5 bathrooms.

The potty isn’t there anymore, but when it was, it was like having 1.5 bathrooms.

It is practically monastic in there. It’s also acidic, thanks to all the vinegar.

My request for bathroom shelving was hung up in committee for a while. (You know the old saying: if a man tells you he is going to take care of something, he is going to take care of it. There is no need to remind him every six months.)

But, finally after the annual shelving sale at this blank-ity blanking place, and after one weekend of having to kick the work crew out once in a while so I could pee, well, looky here:

Trust me, they are *level*

Trust me, they are *level*

Now all I need is are some bins, because I don’t really want to discuss the function of tampons with boys of any age, but particularly not those living in my household, aged four and six.

And since this whole shelving thing was working so hard for us, we looked around to see what else we could store on shelves. Here’s what we came up with:

Tiger Sharks! The Giant Squid!

Tiger Sharks! The Giant Squid!

That’s right! Two can sleep more efficiently than one if they are stacked up on top of each other!

This is exactly the kind of sleeping arrangement I wanted when I was a kid, largely due to this exhibit at the Milwaukee Museum. I was fascinated by those the little pretend houses, where curious strangers from the future can peer in the windows. One of them–maybe Dutch? German? Not sure–had a little bed cabinet built in the corner with a curtain drawn across it. I don’t know if English has a strong enough word to express how badly I wanted to sleep in that  cabinet/caboose/magic tent. But, alas, it didn’t happen for me. So, in order to live out my dreams through my children, I seem to have recreated it for the boys.

After all, isn’t this a little bit magical?

Scoot over, kid.

Scoot over, kid.

It’s going rather swimmingly. After all, we reasoned, a four year old could probably stand to stop sleeping in a crib, even if we did pull one of the sides off to make it look more like a toddler bed. And–even more thrilling!–at least two square feet of floor space reclaimed! The boys love sleeping in their little compartments and, unlike some of our neighbors, they don’t really keep each other up with raucous parties.

And now bedtime is less fuss, more fun. But we still have to whisper. Eh, I’ll take it.

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Filed under Home Ec, Living Small

Funemployment

Despite all my readiness for school to start, however, I was still caught off guard. By sending both lads out the door in backpacks, I seem to have worked myself out of a job. So now I need to find a new one. One that pays.

All of our representatives are currently assisting other customers.

All of our representatives are currently assisting other customers.

So I put all my hard-won skills from the past four years together into an awesome new resume!

Human Tissue, Truck Surgeon, Short Order Cook, Hostage Negotiator, Paleontologist, Pack Horse, Play-doh Sculptor, Head House Parlor Maid, Cat Wrangler, Hypnotist, Life Guard, Comforter-in-Chief, Shipwreck Historian, Dishwasher, Gourmet Chef, Homework Overseer, Pixar Consultant, Wardrobe Consultant, Minimalism Advocate, Scheduler, Bum Wiper, Morale Officer, Laundress, Sporadic Blogger, YMCA Promoter, Block City Urban Planner, Scooter Mechanic, Personal Shopper, Nutritionist, Microapartment Poster Child, Lego Engineer, Associate Miracle Worker, Train Conductor, Children’s Book Critic, Playground Attendant, Bad Habit Enabler, Vehicle Sketch Artist, Yoga Pants Model, Stick Figure Drawing Archivist, Bin Counter, Chelsea Neighborhood Tour Guide, Benevolent Matriarch, Personal Organizer, Shepherd, Bag Lunch Caterer, Lullabye Siren, Basketball Coach, Child Labor Scofflaw, Puppeteer, Napkin Holder, Sandbox Dispute Mediator, and Box Wine Sommelier.

If you’re hiring, do let me know! I’m sure I’ll be cozily re-ensconced in the working world in no time!

In my actual (obviously unsuccessful) job search, people ask me “What do you do?” And I answer them honestly: I don’t really know. I was a teacher, but my license isn’t for New York, so in practice I am ostensibly a freelancer of some sort. I write, I edit, I design, I format, I market, and I do it for rock-bottom rates! I just don’t do it very often, or for very many clients.

And please nobody tell the Man of My Dreams or the PTA president that I finished my last project and am really just blogging. And watching TV in the middle of the day. And throwing stuff out by the armful.

So far, I haven’t developed a drinking problem. But there’s still time. It’s not yet 2:00.

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Filed under Not cool, The outside world